Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
