yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
