Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
