Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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