i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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