I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
we made out on top of his cat.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
