i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
