Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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