you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I'm always down for nudity.
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