she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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