just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
