I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
