the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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