Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
