It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
