There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
