She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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