You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
