just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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