did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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