he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize