let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Randomize
