I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
