Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
