I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
