So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
