I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
soo... how was my night?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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