Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
