I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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