You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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