so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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