Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
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