i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
