Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
