don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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