my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
