dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
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