Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
