I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
