What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Soap is not a condiment
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
