I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
