I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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