Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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