Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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