Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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