Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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