i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Randomize
