I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
