hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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