Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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