if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
