this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
