I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
