dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
