I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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