just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
