this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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