She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
