I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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