There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
