apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
