omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
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I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
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She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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