One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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