WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
