best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
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he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
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I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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