Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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