And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...