dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.