Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week