The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
