Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
