If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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