I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
