please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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