I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
