Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
