I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
