i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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