Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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