i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
