You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
